T'was the day of the USGP in the land of Port
A 4Runner named Sue rolled on up, and backfired a report.
The costumes were dawn, and taped up with care
In the hopes my pants wouldn’t fall off, and show me all bare.
The serious racers, on their trainers they sped
While visions of victory clouded their heads
With my helpers in their stockings, and I in my cap
We slammed some whiskey real quick, to help break the cold snap
We approached the start line and caused such a clatter
Everyone looking and wondering, shouldn’t santa be fatter?!
The gun was fired and we were off like a flash
With the first mud puddle I was covered from the splash
The first lap was fast, and I was filled with fear
That the beer I had last nite would end up on my beard
My helpers they cheered as loud as they could
And the naughty girl yelling almost caused me to crash in the woods
In no time we were on the 3rd and 4th round
The mud was so thick my wheels spinning in the ground
When the snow started to fly, is when the delirium set in
I was singing Christmas Carols, and sporting a huge grin
Finally the finish line came and the end was near
I screamed as I crossed “you’re all naughty, now get me a beer”
To the keg from Georgetown we immediately head
We spread good Xmas cheer until that pony was dead.
With the greatest of Xms Cheer the people we met shared their tent, fire and food
Its amazing the combination of waffles and sausages could taste so flip’n good!
And as we were wrapping things up, we saw the ‘father’ of mountain bike
I gave him a Raleigh hat for Christmas, which I think he really liked.
Now the racing season is over and for that I’m glad
It’s time to misplace my pants, and watch my copy of RAD.
To my couch for the winter, with it I will not part
Covered in Cheetos, pizza crusts and only lifting my leg to…